27 March 2012

I'm from Mars, Men are from Venus...

I seem to take issue with men for all sorts of reasons...
1)All they want is sex...why can't they seem to give a shit about the person it is with?
2)Once they've had it, they seem to leave as soon as they can find whatever shit they've thrown off in the moment...
3) Conversations are only useful if it leads to the aforementioned.
4)They want more than sex and don't just leave when it's over.
5)Once they've had it with someone that matters, they leave no room in which to breath.
6)The most vulnerable conversations they have are after the aforementioned.

Seem circular? I can admit my thought process is slightly skewed. I hate the men who don't want more as jerks, and I despise the men that do labeling them too sensitive. It's a loose, loose situation if you are a man in my life...
Like this poor guy who I'll keep nameless...Minutes ago he came and I was proud of my accomplishment. Shortly after he reached the pinnacle, he said that he really liked me and wants to make this work (essentially - I couldn't cum for the first time in my life and I'm not quite sure why, but I didn't want to completely waste a sexual encounter...so I finished him). The thing is I'm not feeling him....I'm into a couple of other people at present and he just doesn't fit the bill....I don't know why because on paper, we're fantastic together...but I'm just not that into him.
I don't know when the right time to deal with this is, but I felt nauseated as he talked about the allusive 'us'. I'm sure that I've done the same exact thing to some guy who wanted to fuck, but had little other interest in more. I simply don't recall how it was handled and how it made me feel...This is so hard!

20 March 2012

L'Opera


Went to see Aida for the 3rd time last night (2 with the first cast of allstars and 1 with the second cast of Lyric debuts/more Verdian allstars)...I thought it was good the first two times, but I nearly had an orgasm listening to Hiu He. She's phenomenal! Left the theatre in tears - which is the whole object of the medium...to feel something. Still in a state of un peu de la mort.

08 March 2012

Patience is a Virtue I Struggle to Posses


I decided to bake today after work. I have no food - and no money to purchase food....I thought about stealing from the grocery (a larger retailer if that makes anything better), but I'm too lazy to walk there and I feel like I need to have a decoy or something...and I don't.
The thing that sucks is that I have champagne taste and a water wallet at the moment. So even though I spent a whole $6 (that I didn't have to spend) yesterday on veggies, all I really wanted to get was Gruyere with which to make fondue to eat the veg with! But at $7-15 a pound, I couldn't justify it...and the one time I forget to bring my canvas grocery bag with is the day I really want to 'borrow' something tasty.
So, I'm at home hoping that I don't have to hook to make next months' rent especially because I've just started getting serious about this guy, and I don't really want to have to explain why I feel the compelled to get tested and avoid sex with him for a little while...It's just entirely too complicated!
While pondering my financial demise, I decide that I'm going to be creative. I'm going to attempt to be the next Julia Childs...what do I do? I decide to make French bread hoping I can convince one of my friends to supply the cheese needed for dipping. Two rises and 3 hours later I thought I would get to put my delicious, soon to be crusty bread in the oven for it's final stages...NOPE...I have 4 hours longer of it being in the fridge to develop it's flavor and texture; and, after that 4 hours, I have an hour to let it warm to room temperature before I can even think about placing it in the oven! 5 MORE FUCKING HOURS! Generally I'd be somewhat zen about this situation, but I'm starving! This is lunch/dinner...Breathing or attempting to.

03 March 2012

Mysteries

I was talking with my roomie about sex and relationships yesterday, and she informed me about one or two things...
1) Apparently open relationships have no point. That if you're in love with someone, you should work at having them be your only....what's the point of a relationship with someone if you plan on sleeping around?

And

2) Men don't care for women who put out too quickly. There is some kind of hunter-gatherer game that goes on, and, once the prize is won, there is no longer any point.

Oh and...

3) I seem to be emotionless to onlookers. She cannot read me, and therefore I don't posses depth of feelings - am not able to be figured out....apparently I can live without people.

My rebuttal?
1)There are degrees of openness in relationships - which you and your significant other agree upon. If you're with someone who doesn't like sharing (what she called it), you decide whether you think they or the relationship is worth bending part of who you are for whatever period of time you are together. Otherwise, leave and find someone else who wants what you want.
It doesn't make the relationship(s) any less real or grown up than those who can be or choose to be monogamous...just different.
As a point under that, she didn't understand the idea of not planning on being with one person for the rest of your life....and I didn't understand planning anything where relationships and sexuality are concerned. I don't know that there is only one person - The One - for everyone. I think there are a series of relationships that add meaning and enrich our lives beautifully. I think we all have a series of soul mates - it's simply a matter of finding and choosing those we want to be with for eternity on earth.
Maybe I'm completely off base, but it's what I think.

2) I really have no idea how men think. None whatsoever. She could be right. In that case, I'd never be respected. Sucks to be me.

And finally

3)I can live without some people - not all. And I think I actually wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time. Maybe it's that the decoder of my emotions isn't in her possession. I normally say what I mean. Maybe I filter sometimes (doesn't everybody), but I generally don't say anything I'm not feeling.

I just don't understand.