Premeditated Pandemonium

Thought I'd try something different and new...
http://premeditatedpandemonium.wordpress.com/

Come visit.

Evolution

Words...

Escape me

Meaning - Lost

It's the evolution of this human being.

Once I had so much to say....so many thoughts...

No one to say them to.

Now?

Less afraid

Growing up

Tired of hearing and reading what seems to mean almost nothing

Wondering how much of what I think has changed....

Realizing much is unrelenting.

Getting older

Hopefully wiser, but,

Who can tell?

Words...

Refugee 3

Apparently everything I'm into is vintage...I miss the 90s - wish the Fugees had never broken up!

Please, Please, Please

Just felt like a Morrissey day....on day 16 of 19 days in a row at work....The end is in sight....Yay!
Hope you're all fabulous!

Still Not Failed A Test Yet!!!!

Begin the new job on Tuesday. So excited. Need to think of wardrobe!!!!!

All About the Outlook

I've just rediscovered a few cds from my evangelical Christian upbringing....currently listening to Switchfoot's New Way to be Human (oddly enough after watching a few episodes of the UK show Being Human - I'm not ready for Mitchell to die yet, so I've taken a break).
Initially I put the cd on for a bit of a pity party I was throwing for myself. A few weeks ago, I was offered a job that would take me out of the lack luster existence I feel I've been in for little while now. I never applied for it...it was sort of just handed to me - pending a background check (passed flying colours) and a drug test that is pending, but I'm fairly certain will be the reason I don't get the job.
I was seeing this guy for a very short period of time, and to be completely honest, the sex was amazing when we smoked. I very rarely toke up, but I liked the out of body experience I was having...kind of amazing. All of this happened shortly before I was told about this position. Now I think I've quite literally fucked myself out of a job - hahahaha.
At least I already have one I suppose.
During my pity party, I had a cocktail at 6am (I generally work at 5am - coffee shop and all - so I woke up at 3am just out of habit) and looked at my Pinterest (which I'm absolutely obsessed with) and saw something I posted a few months ago....Made me remember that life is about your outlook.
http://pinterest.com/pin/244883298460437106/
While I may have my drug test, I've succeeded at figuring out what doesn't work. And there will be something else...something better one day. I hope - OH GOD DO I HOPE. I can't keep living like I am right now because it's like work and money control me....I'm living to work, not working to live. And something's lost in that. But I'm hopeful. I hope you all have a beautifully successful day. I believe I will.

Sin in the Second City

I met someone last week who suggested this book, and because I'm oldschool and don't have an Ereader or an Ipad, I ordered the book on Amazon. Just got it in the mail....Soooo excited!

http://www.sininthesecondcity.com/

Bipolar Valentine

So, I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned struggling with bipolar on numerous occasions....and if not, now you know. So I was seeing this guy for a little while. There was an honest connection, but because I rarely do relationships or whatever was going on, I freaked out numerous times. Nearly every week to be honest. Well, yesterday was the last time I've done that with him. Woohoo. Totally told him I didn't want to do this in a text like an asshole. Then finally chatted and made up some lame excuse - which wasn't true. It's really that feeling anything more than what I am used to terrifies me....and maybe a bit of guilt, but we'll address that another time.
Not that facebook should rule our lives at all, but just saw what was posted:

Happy Bipolar Valentines Day!

Pretty Woman

Where the FUCK is my Richard Gere....I'm waiting!
I'm pissed off that we were fucking lied to as children about this Prince Charming bullshit.
I'm definitely Cinderella working my ass off 16hrs most days and would like a break. Just saying. If anyone knows a wealthy dying man who just wants to be loved, I'm the Anna Nicole you're looking for.

Post Holiday Clean-up

Currently organizing my closet to help me feel less frumpy, and still fighting off this hangover (not from Christmas, but last night rather - too many Manhattans)...
Listening to LCD Soundsystem.

Apparently I have a thing for the muppets....My mood has almost instantaneously improved.
Cheers
ND