Premeditated Pandemonium

Thought I'd try something different and new...
http://premeditatedpandemonium.wordpress.com/

Come visit.

Evolution

Words...

Escape me

Meaning - Lost

It's the evolution of this human being.

Once I had so much to say....so many thoughts...

No one to say them to.

Now?

Less afraid

Growing up

Tired of hearing and reading what seems to mean almost nothing

Wondering how much of what I think has changed....

Realizing much is unrelenting.

Getting older

Hopefully wiser, but,

Who can tell?

Words...

Refugee 3

Apparently everything I'm into is vintage...I miss the 90s - wish the Fugees had never broken up!

Please, Please, Please

Just felt like a Morrissey day....on day 16 of 19 days in a row at work....The end is in sight....Yay!
Hope you're all fabulous!

Still Not Failed A Test Yet!!!!

Begin the new job on Tuesday. So excited. Need to think of wardrobe!!!!!

All About the Outlook

I've just rediscovered a few cds from my evangelical Christian upbringing....currently listening to Switchfoot's New Way to be Human (oddly enough after watching a few episodes of the UK show Being Human - I'm not ready for Mitchell to die yet, so I've taken a break).
Initially I put the cd on for a bit of a pity party I was throwing for myself. A few weeks ago, I was offered a job that would take me out of the lack luster existence I feel I've been in for little while now. I never applied for it...it was sort of just handed to me - pending a background check (passed flying colours) and a drug test that is pending, but I'm fairly certain will be the reason I don't get the job.
I was seeing this guy for a very short period of time, and to be completely honest, the sex was amazing when we smoked. I very rarely toke up, but I liked the out of body experience I was having...kind of amazing. All of this happened shortly before I was told about this position. Now I think I've quite literally fucked myself out of a job - hahahaha.
At least I already have one I suppose.
During my pity party, I had a cocktail at 6am (I generally work at 5am - coffee shop and all - so I woke up at 3am just out of habit) and looked at my Pinterest (which I'm absolutely obsessed with) and saw something I posted a few months ago....Made me remember that life is about your outlook.
http://pinterest.com/pin/244883298460437106/
While I may have my drug test, I've succeeded at figuring out what doesn't work. And there will be something else...something better one day. I hope - OH GOD DO I HOPE. I can't keep living like I am right now because it's like work and money control me....I'm living to work, not working to live. And something's lost in that. But I'm hopeful. I hope you all have a beautifully successful day. I believe I will.

Sin in the Second City

I met someone last week who suggested this book, and because I'm oldschool and don't have an Ereader or an Ipad, I ordered the book on Amazon. Just got it in the mail....Soooo excited!

http://www.sininthesecondcity.com/

Bipolar Valentine

So, I'm fairly certain that I've mentioned struggling with bipolar on numerous occasions....and if not, now you know. So I was seeing this guy for a little while. There was an honest connection, but because I rarely do relationships or whatever was going on, I freaked out numerous times. Nearly every week to be honest. Well, yesterday was the last time I've done that with him. Woohoo. Totally told him I didn't want to do this in a text like an asshole. Then finally chatted and made up some lame excuse - which wasn't true. It's really that feeling anything more than what I am used to terrifies me....and maybe a bit of guilt, but we'll address that another time.
Not that facebook should rule our lives at all, but just saw what was posted:

Happy Bipolar Valentines Day!

Pretty Woman

Where the FUCK is my Richard Gere....I'm waiting!
I'm pissed off that we were fucking lied to as children about this Prince Charming bullshit.
I'm definitely Cinderella working my ass off 16hrs most days and would like a break. Just saying. If anyone knows a wealthy dying man who just wants to be loved, I'm the Anna Nicole you're looking for.

Post Holiday Clean-up

Currently organizing my closet to help me feel less frumpy, and still fighting off this hangover (not from Christmas, but last night rather - too many Manhattans)...
Listening to LCD Soundsystem.

Apparently I have a thing for the muppets....My mood has almost instantaneously improved.
Cheers
ND

Favorite Christmas Moments...

So, my tradition is drinking gin and watching adult films for 24-48hrs straight...was slightly awkward when I had roomies. Other than those two things, however, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite Christmas moments...

Hope you all have gotten what you wanted. I know I have. Smiles!

Happy Christmas!!!

I've begun my holiday drinking binge...sadly Bombay Sapphire was sold out of the liquor store next to me, so I'm having Tanqueray Tonics for the next 24hrs. I doesn't taste as much like Christmas as Sapphire does, but I suppose it will do. (Thankfully I didn't have to pay for it because some creepy man from South Africa bought it...I assume with the hopes of getting laid. He then tried to walk me home and attempted to kiss me...fun times).
I hope you all have a very merry one!

Happy World's Not Over Day!

Hello Friends,
Yesterday morning as I went to my 5am shift at Starbucks I reveled in the idea of never working another open....guess what, we're all still here (and I still had to work at 5am again this morning). Now if Americans were smart, they would have realized that Australians were still alive and kicking being a day ahead of us, so there was really nothing to worry about. Although in our country's combined mind, we are the only thing tat matters (not my view). I do however, have to give a few points to Jell-O who I think may be trying to find something as interesting as their Cosby commercials. Good job trying to capitalize on that market of fear. I wonder if that actually brought them any more business.
As a perfect beginning to our prospective last day here on earth, I played REM's "It's The End of the World As We Know It" as I greeting my opening counterpart. We both died laughing and then started talking about our End of the World Top Fives. Now, although we're still here, I thought I'd put my lists up for you all.



My Top Five World's Ending I don't know How Far Through This Playlist We'll Get *smiles:
1) It's The End of the World As We Know It - REM
2) We Will Become Silhouettes - The Postal Service
3) Superstition - Stevie Wonder (because I could listen to it on replay for hours - don't judge)
4) While My Guitar Gently Weeps - The Beatles (another song I'd have on replay)
5) The End - The Doors (hopefully playing eerily as people vanish)

Glad you all made it!

Making Memories

My Last Day

I've been in NYC since last Tuesday to see one of my good friends perform at The Met. The production was lovely....and we went to every other opera and classical music event available to us. Today, I meet with my old boss from the Lyric who is now one of the producers at the NY Philharmonic....there is a possible job opportunity for this upcoming year. We'll see....fingers crossed. Other than that and eating from every food cart imaginable, I've not done too much (I fell down my stairs a few weeks ago and rolled my ankle, so sometimes walking proves to be a bit painful). Even with the small amount of exposure I've had, I'm in love with this place and never want to leave. I suppose I have to continue with my real life and work towards something greater, but the idea of just leaving everything behind is quite appealing right now.
I feel like I've learned so much about myself in a week, and have plans for the future that I couldn't quite see prior.
Well, I must go get ready. Hope you all are beautiful!

Pre-Op(era)

Was it yesterday or the day before? I can't quite remember because I've gone to The Met everyday for the past week.
Either way, we were waiting for The Tempest to begin...and this photo was quite possibly the best part of that two hour time span....
I generally like to find redeeming qualities in anything musical and otherwise, but the opera was HORRIBLE! The production looked stunning, but the music made me feel physically ill. We left during intermission (which I've never done).
Any way it goes though, we're in New York and experiencing what life has to offer two poor not-so-starving artists.
I hope you all are well. I'll check in again soon.
Bisous!

Subway Musicians

This is the first time I've seen subway musicians who were actually good....the song reminds me of my Grams.

Holiday...

I feel so grown up for the following reasons:
1) I bought stamps last week.
2) I mailed a thank you card three days ago - yes it was to my mother, but it still counts.
3) I payed off a debt (quite possibly again to my mum).
4) I'm in the market for a mattress....I'd like a Stearns and Foster Euro pillow top, but Lord knows Starbucks doesn't really pay enough for me to enjoy that unless I get it from the black market (if anybody has an uncle or something let me know).
And last, but certainly not least
5) I'm going on Holiday next week for the first time in my life! So excited....
I've never been to NYC, and the gay love of my life lives there now. Not only does he live there, but he's dancing in The Met's new production of Un Ballo in Maschera which is one of my favorite Verdian operas.
EEEEEK!

Foot in Mouth and Freaking Out

A gentleman caller I've been speaking with told me he started seeing someone....and I took my time to respond aside from "Well that's wonderful. Good Luck!" and thinking that they've already set the path to marriage or are somehow much more than he alluded to. He asks if what were/are (use your vivid imagination) is done. I said no and that I assumed that was the reason he was telling me....he replies "no" and something about honesty. Being the brilliant person I am, I asked if she cared. He said she doesn't really know (where's the truth in that?).
So I stew for a couple of days until last night, whilst a bit tipsy, I go into some rant via email on how I understand married people seeing a call girl but not beginning a relationship and keeping someone to fuck on the side. May have been super intense...definitely scared him off. (Not that I should care, but I'm so tired of being the other woman. It's exhausting! And I'm starting to feel like that's all I'm good for...like nothing I feel or think matters to another person - I guess that's kind of the point though...)
Two Points Me...I guess.

Fraud...

Somehow someone in California withdrew $503.00 from my account...dying! Smooth criminal for certain...because I've never lost my bank card, haven't been in California for twelve years, and have never given my pin to anyone.
Hmmm.