Patience is a Virtue I Struggle to Posses

I decided to bake today after work. I have no food - and no money to purchase food....I thought about stealing from the grocery (a larger retailer if that makes anything better), but I'm too lazy to walk there and I feel like I need to have a decoy or something...and I don't.
The thing that sucks is that I have champagne taste and a water wallet at the moment. So even though I spent a whole $6 (that I didn't have to spend) yesterday on veggies, all I really wanted to get was Gruyere with which to make fondue to eat the veg with! But at $7-15 a pound, I couldn't justify it...and the one time I forget to bring my canvas grocery bag with is the day I really want to 'borrow' something tasty.
So, I'm at home hoping that I don't have to hook to make next months' rent especially because I've just started getting serious about this guy, and I don't really want to have to explain why I feel the compelled to get tested and avoid sex with him for a little while...It's just entirely too complicated!
While pondering my financial demise, I decide that I'm going to be creative. I'm going to attempt to be the next Julia Childs...what do I do? I decide to make French bread hoping I can convince one of my friends to supply the cheese needed for dipping. Two rises and 3 hours later I thought I would get to put my delicious, soon to be crusty bread in the oven for it's final stages...NOPE...I have 4 hours longer of it being in the fridge to develop it's flavor and texture; and, after that 4 hours, I have an hour to let it warm to room temperature before I can even think about placing it in the oven! 5 MORE FUCKING HOURS! Generally I'd be somewhat zen about this situation, but I'm starving! This is lunch/dinner...Breathing or attempting to.

Mysteries

I was talking with my roomie about sex and relationships yesterday, and she informed me about one or two things...
1) Apparently open relationships have no point. That if you're in love with someone, you should work at having them be your only....what's the point of a relationship with someone if you plan on sleeping around?

And

2) Men don't care for women who put out too quickly. There is some kind of hunter-gatherer game that goes on, and, once the prize is won, there is no longer any point.

Oh and...

3) I seem to be emotionless to onlookers. She cannot read me, and therefore I don't posses depth of feelings - am not able to be figured out....apparently I can live without people.

My rebuttal?
1)There are degrees of openness in relationships - which you and your significant other agree upon. If you're with someone who doesn't like sharing (what she called it), you decide whether you think they or the relationship is worth bending part of who you are for whatever period of time you are together. Otherwise, leave and find someone else who wants what you want.
It doesn't make the relationship(s) any less real or grown up than those who can be or choose to be monogamous...just different.
As a point under that, she didn't understand the idea of not planning on being with one person for the rest of your life....and I didn't understand planning anything where relationships and sexuality are concerned. I don't know that there is only one person - The One - for everyone. I think there are a series of relationships that add meaning and enrich our lives beautifully. I think we all have a series of soul mates - it's simply a matter of finding and choosing those we want to be with for eternity on earth.
Maybe I'm completely off base, but it's what I think.

2) I really have no idea how men think. None whatsoever. She could be right. In that case, I'd never be respected. Sucks to be me.

And finally

3)I can live without some people - not all. And I think I actually wear my heart on my sleeve most of the time. Maybe it's that the decoder of my emotions isn't in her possession. I normally say what I mean. Maybe I filter sometimes (doesn't everybody), but I generally don't say anything I'm not feeling.

I just don't understand.

Dion The Wanderer

Such is my life...

Cupid Says No!

So, I've joined every possible dating website that's free and doesn't look incredibly creepy (so like two sites) - something I told myself and the world I'd never do.
It's not that I've had a lack of opportunity in the real world. It's that the opportunities that have presented themselves haven't been anything near what I want. I seem to meet people in person who are very forward with what they want sexually, but pretty much cease to have anything else to add to my existence. For me that's not enough. I have this past year had more one night stands than I'd care to recall (not really - I'm completely self-satisfied in this), and many of them have actually been phenomenal experiences physically. It's not that I want a ton more than phenomenal physicality, but that I'd prefer it not be with a series of strangers. I don't really want a deep and meaningful partnership, but I want to be able to have a conversation that goes past, 'oh god' and 'don't stop' or whatever else people say.
All of this to say that on one of these sites, I've had a number of gentlemen callers that have been neat. Kind of quirky, kind of cute and pretty cool. Each of them has approached me respectfully - that is until today. Some random man thought it would be cool to let me know that he looked at my picture and jacked off...Why the fuck would you do that? I mean, we all do 'that', but why would your opening remarks to someone be that you got off at the thought of them?
If I were at all familiar with him, I think I'd be much less appalled...maybe even flattered (depending on who it was and the relationship we had) but a total stranger?
Disgusting!

Public Transit Today

Initially I thought I posted during what felt like the world's worst bus ride. That was at 12:30pm today. I have since lived through one far worse, I can hardly speak of it.....but I'm going to post for the world (or the 5 people that ever visit) to read.
Bus trip Numero Uno:
Route #8 Halsted Northbound to Waveland/Broadway
Time of Entry: 12:15
Time of Incident: 12:36-12:45
Description of Incident:
Well, it wasn't really an incident so much as an occurrence. A rather long and disgusting occurrence. I have a difficult time on the CTA anyway because of the horrid smell of stale pee, Santorum, and really nasty people....not that I ever judge anything...but today, for me, takes the cake because the action - no, the offense, rather was happening directly next to me. I was sitting next to the loveliest elderly lady who smelled a bit of moth balls and may have had bright fuschia lipstick that someone in Mary Kay sold to her in the early 1980s when she reached her destination. She said some parting words that I didn't really understand and we waived goodbye. As this quaint exchange ended, a creature from the Abyss took my friend's seat. Now, when I say creature, I may mean a lady in her late 20s with skin that isn't so great who had a sniffle. I don't exaggerate much I promise. This sniffle turned into the need for a tissue - which she did have, but it had passed it's usefulness in this life. So, as she notices this, but still has a need to relieve her nose of it's ailments; she, instead of asking for a tissue, proceeds to blow her nose in her hand. HER HAND I say!!!!! Explicative Here. I am sitting on the inside seat where I can neither get up or completely avoid contact with this creature's person. I thought that maybe now, she had finished emptying the entire contents of her sinuses and nasal track. Aha, but no...she does this for 10 minutes - well 9, but 10 sounds better. How in the world do you blow your nose in your hand in public for 10 fucking minutes???????????? Of course when she goes to leave, she touches every possible surface in the bus...I leave two stops later and run home to shower off whatever disease that creature was attempting to share with the whole of the bus!

Story one is finished and I do promise the second is not gross by any stretch of the imagination - just mortifying....if this sound intriguing, keep reading.

Numero Dos:
Route #36 Northbound to Broadway/Devon
Time of Entry: 5:08pm
Time of Incident:5:44pm
Description of Incident:
Let me set the scene for you by saying that I just left an interview and was completely dolled up - red lipstick, heels, the works and I have now missed 2 buses by a hair! I finally enter the #36 and greet the driver as usual whilst looking to see if there is any seating. Guess what...there is not, and, even if there were, two elderly ladies would have had the right to those seats first.
So, resolved to learn to balance and not be too in the way, I make my way towards the back of the bus where the second door is (there's a bit more space and better things to hold onto here). I spend the next 20 minutes or so in jerking traffic until a young man sees that I have no stability whatsoever and gives me his seat (which I trip on my way to). Things go well for a little while and traffic is beginning to clear...and we're on our merry way until a stop near Addison where it seems we may have hit something small - a rock or rusty nail...I'm really not too worried at this point. That is, until the gentleman seated next to me decides he wants to leave. I get up to allow him out and as I move back to my seat, I trip (again), throw my purse and hit an old man with what feels like a 20 pound weight. Oh, but wait....I go to get it and drop it again. So Mortified that I've hurt this man, I leave the bus and begin to walk home (until I see another bus).
"If you don't see the crazy person on the bus, you're it" -How I Met Your Mother

Fin

J'ai Fini!

Last night I quit the restaurant job without giving notice. The chef is/was an asshole that was unwilling to work with me on two days that I requested off for my internship...and I was just not having anymore of his less than professional behavior affect me 5 days a week. So done and happy for the first time in months (at least with the job situation)!

Conundrums

We are told to feel yet punished when we cry. Laughed at when our honesty takes hold of us.
We are told to stand up for ourselves but broken down whilst so doing.
We are told to be individual and then shown what to wear, what to listen to and what to read.
Is there anything in life that is pure?
Are we allowed to do anything that is expected of us without stipulations?

I'm so vain!

But totally stoked about these photos...needed to post more!
Please don't hate.

Headshots!!!!

So my friend is in the start up stages of her own photography and design business and she asked me to 'pose' for her...I said it was serendipitous because I need headshots - and the rest they say is history.
There's only one photo up so far, but I love it!
You can find her other work at www.candidclicker.com
Cheers

The Mess that is My Life

I've been known for years as the girl who has her closet on the floor...my room always used to be so messy that you'd have to create a path to ensure you weren't stepping on a camera or messing up a pair of shoes that I forgot was in the pile of clean clothes that have been awaiting a hanger for four years.
Sometime in this past year, things have changed a bit. I have actually hung up and organized my clothes and the shoes in my closet....my current problem however, is books and mail. I think I may be a bit of a hoarder. I find that it takes me a week whenever I do decide to clean up to see the entirety of my floor...primarily because I find cool things like this to be doing.
How do you all feel being my escape from doing what I should be doing?
(Oh, the first pic was from college...the second is now...that's together, but the rest is a mess).