Now That's a Chastity Belt: Republican Candidate says Uterus Fends off Rapists!

Now That's a Chastity Belt: Republican Candidate says Uterus Fends off Rapists!

All's Well That Ends Well

It's 9 days in my new apartment and on path for my new life. The first night was a bit shaky. I live across from the beach and there were two ambulances, three fire trucks, a scuba rescue team, and countless cop cars taking turns blocking the intersection at midnight for an hour and a half. I see this all whilst walking to and from Giordano's to get my stuffed cheese pizza (which I really shouldn't have done, but I had no groceries...need to go on a post moving diet).
Of course the only logical conclusion (in my mind) to draw from this is they're looking for a body. There's no way that a person survived an hour and a half being lost in Lake Michigan! So being the dramatic person I am, I spend that time staring at the flashing lights wondering what that person's last moments were like, and what it felt like to drown....what exactly was going through their mind in that moment right before their heart stopped beating? Slightly morbid, I know, but I've always been a bit death obsessed. From wondering what it was like, I move to thinking about how haunted Lake Michigan must be. And from that to wondering what their cries sounded like...thinking they were the voices of the Sirens.
It was somewhat beautiful, but entirely creepy thus giving me issues with sleep.
I texted a friend who has since not stopped making fun of me because apparently dead bodies turn up all the time in Chicago, and I should be used to it by now. I disagree. I don't want to become callused to others' lives (well and the absence of them).
I've not found out what happened, nor do I think I want to because I'm not sure I want to think about the reality of my imagination. Either way I can finally sleep in the new space...and as soon as I've finished the Great Decorate, I will post some photographs.
I hope you all are doing wonderfully.
Cheers Lovies!

Haters will...what's that again?

I'm really tired of judgmental cunts telling me what to feel or not feel....or what to say. If I talk about sex too much for you, talk to someone else. I don't understand why your morals should rule my existence. Why your desires are the only ones that matter is strange to me.
And maybe we haven't had a real conversation in nearly a year because you're always with your live in boyfriend...and when you're not with him, you're talking to him on the phone during the time you've designated for me. That drives me batty!
If being vanilla makes you happy, then do it, but don't expect me to be the same. Don't expect that my conversation will sound like that of a middle aged nun (one that is perfectly happy with their situation that is).
We've ceased to have commonalities...I'm sorry, but it seems that's the case. And that doesn't make me a reprobate - it simply means I've moved on and so have you (just in opposite directions).
1 Aug cannot come soon enough!

A Room of One's Own

In a little over a month, I moving out of my current apt and into a studio. I'm so excited to feel grown up - living on my own and all...very Virginia Woolf minus the depression and drowning.

FML

I start feeling somewhat vulnerable with someone, and I find out I'm not well....so I think I freaked him out...and umm....am back to beginning - now with a few more bruises than before and terrified of what's next.
FML!

The Lady Is A Tramp

Blue Diamond Cab 421

As per the unusual state of life and prophecy (I suppose), I got into cab 421 today. The driver's name I cannot remember or maybe I never asked. Moments after almost getting hit by a bus while running across the street to a cab that stopped but couldn't turn around, I close the door and the driver asks - rather tells me I'm a singer. Strange I thought, but giggled the way I do when nervous and said yes. I told him a bit about the opera, and he tells me a bit about his intuition.
He says he normally can tell what someone does or what their sign is based upon first appearance. I ask him my sign and he fumbles..."Libra" he finally calls out. I giggle a bit and tell him he's wrong and that I'm a Virgo born on the cusp (of Leo and Virgo).
He proceeds then to tell me my life - some of it vague, some not. I was sort of astounded at the accuracy of my  history, and how on point things with the future sounded as well. I've never gone to a psychic...my family is quite religious blah, blah, blah...and they think it's evil...though I don't practice, I've always been scared to see one for fear that I, like King Saul, may learn of my own death (from battle I plan on fighting in tomorrow)...This experience, however, was quite different from what I expected. And for the price of a cab ride from Lincoln Park to River North, I gained some insight into what I'm going through right now and what is soon to come. Who knows if the future is accurate, but it was worth the ride.

Four Months Into the Year of the Detox

Both times I was on the El today, the train was delayed...at 4:30 in the morning on the way to work, I was incredibly peeved - could barely breathe because of agitation ...well that and running to the train. And this afternoon on the way home, we were told there was to be a two minute delay. I wasn't really in a hurry to get anywhere but in the back of my mind was keeping time. Exactly two minutes later the train began once again on it's course, and I thought to myself how long that moment felt. The minutes were rife with incomplete thoughts that seemed to bounce about as if I were in the midst of some deep philosophical argument that dealt with our concept of time. 

Once home - or nearly so - I remembered that this is the year of my detox. The first month was food. The second two were from shopping. It's been two weeks into April which was supposed to be 30 days of yoga and meditation, but I've been incredibly lax. I think that I need to remember to quiet my mind sometimes....there's no need to get agitated or be in a rush to get home. And while I think an active mind is preferable, sometimes we do too much. We plan so much...and are vile when those plans are foiled. We expect the world and sometimes push ourselves too hard to obtain it when maybe we need to just let it be. I'm not saying that I don't want to be goal driven, but instead of filling my time off with needless shite maybe I need to learn be content to do nothing.

I think this is the hardest concept so far this year, but I'm totally recommitting to 30+ days of yoga/meditation. I think it may do me good. 

If anyone has detox ideas for June through December, let me know. I'm open to nearly anything (minus sex and swearing...I don't know if I can live without either).

Cheers

Hunger

I fail to be who I thought I was...and I'm learning to live with that. I've done things I could have never imagined doing, but I don't regret it. To regret would be to take away the value of individual circumstances...and that's what makes life - a collection of small moments.

Still.

The judgement.

The disapproval.

The reproach.

They all become difficult to handle. I feel sort of alone right now...though Love's for sale and never a lack of suitors.

I desire something more...

But it terrifies me.

I'm from Mars, Men are from Venus...

I seem to take issue with men for all sorts of reasons...

1)All they want is sex...why can't they seem to give a shit about the person it is with?

2)Once they've had it, they seem to leave as soon as they can find whatever shit they've thrown off in the moment...

3) Conversations are only useful if it leads to the aforementioned.

4)They want more than sex and don't just leave when it's over.

5)Once they've had it with someone that matters, they leave no room in which to breath.

6)The most vulnerable conversations they have are after the aforementioned.

Seem circular? I can admit my thought process is slightly skewed. I hate the men who don't want more as jerks, and I despise the men that do labeling them too sensitive. It's a loose, loose situation if you are a man in my life...

Like this poor guy who I'll keep nameless...Minutes ago he came and I was proud of my accomplishment. Shortly after he reached the pinnacle, he said that he really liked me and wants to make this work (essentially - I couldn't cum for the first time in my life and I'm not quite sure why, but I didn't want to completely waste a sexual encounter...so I finished him). The thing is I'm not feeling him....I'm into a couple of other people at present and he just doesn't fit the bill....I don't know why because on paper, we're fantastic together...but I'm just not that into him.

I don't know when the right time to deal with this is, but I felt nauseated as he talked about the allusive 'us'. I'm sure that I've done the same exact thing to some guy who wanted to fuck, but had little other interest in more. I simply don't recall how it was handled and how it made me feel...This is so hard!