Public Transit Today

Initially I thought I posted during what felt like the world's worst bus ride. That was at 12:30pm today. I have since lived through one far worse, I can hardly speak of it.....but I'm going to post for the world (or the 5 people that ever visit) to read.
Bus trip Numero Uno:
Route #8 Halsted Northbound to Waveland/Broadway
Time of Entry: 12:15
Time of Incident: 12:36-12:45
Description of Incident:
Well, it wasn't really an incident so much as an occurrence. A rather long and disgusting occurrence. I have a difficult time on the CTA anyway because of the horrid smell of stale pee, Santorum, and really nasty people....not that I ever judge anything...but today, for me, takes the cake because the action - no, the offense, rather was happening directly next to me. I was sitting next to the loveliest elderly lady who smelled a bit of moth balls and may have had bright fuschia lipstick that someone in Mary Kay sold to her in the early 1980s when she reached her destination. She said some parting words that I didn't really understand and we waived goodbye. As this quaint exchange ended, a creature from the Abyss took my friend's seat. Now, when I say creature, I may mean a lady in her late 20s with skin that isn't so great who had a sniffle. I don't exaggerate much I promise. This sniffle turned into the need for a tissue - which she did have, but it had passed it's usefulness in this life. So, as she notices this, but still has a need to relieve her nose of it's ailments; she, instead of asking for a tissue, proceeds to blow her nose in her hand. HER HAND I say!!!!! Explicative Here. I am sitting on the inside seat where I can neither get up or completely avoid contact with this creature's person. I thought that maybe now, she had finished emptying the entire contents of her sinuses and nasal track. Aha, but no...she does this for 10 minutes - well 9, but 10 sounds better. How in the world do you blow your nose in your hand in public for 10 fucking minutes???????????? Of course when she goes to leave, she touches every possible surface in the bus...I leave two stops later and run home to shower off whatever disease that creature was attempting to share with the whole of the bus!

Story one is finished and I do promise the second is not gross by any stretch of the imagination - just mortifying....if this sound intriguing, keep reading.

Numero Dos:
Route #36 Northbound to Broadway/Devon
Time of Entry: 5:08pm
Time of Incident:5:44pm
Description of Incident:
Let me set the scene for you by saying that I just left an interview and was completely dolled up - red lipstick, heels, the works and I have now missed 2 buses by a hair! I finally enter the #36 and greet the driver as usual whilst looking to see if there is any seating. Guess what...there is not, and, even if there were, two elderly ladies would have had the right to those seats first.
So, resolved to learn to balance and not be too in the way, I make my way towards the back of the bus where the second door is (there's a bit more space and better things to hold onto here). I spend the next 20 minutes or so in jerking traffic until a young man sees that I have no stability whatsoever and gives me his seat (which I trip on my way to). Things go well for a little while and traffic is beginning to clear...and we're on our merry way until a stop near Addison where it seems we may have hit something small - a rock or rusty nail...I'm really not too worried at this point. That is, until the gentleman seated next to me decides he wants to leave. I get up to allow him out and as I move back to my seat, I trip (again), throw my purse and hit an old man with what feels like a 20 pound weight. Oh, but wait....I go to get it and drop it again. So Mortified that I've hurt this man, I leave the bus and begin to walk home (until I see another bus).
"If you don't see the crazy person on the bus, you're it" -How I Met Your Mother

Fin